I plan to take this pic to a bakery and ask if they can do something like it for me. They'll ask for more pictures of me so they can bake my likeness and I'll say, "No no, I want THIS cake..."

It'll be fabulous.

Why I Don't Wear A Helmet

Junk Mail

Anyone who works in an office is familiar with the loads of unsolicited junk mail you get from people trying to sell you things. Thanks to this kind of mail, we at work recently learned that we can order miscellaneous trash that, *gasp,* has any logo or slogan printed on it!

This was such a radical idea that we weren't quite sure how to picture it. Thankfully, a company whom we've never heard of or asked about sent us an entire catalog of offers we have no interest in.





Normally this would be thrown away without comment but my boss, "JJ," noticed something of interest.

I'm not sure whom Direct Promotions normally deals with but I assure you, we're not that kind of a web page.

-Trip

Truck Nuts

Have you seen these calling cards of class?

They're every where now, in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors and even materials. If you don't want rubber nuts, you can buy them in chrome. If you don't like white balls, you can get them in black, ...Or blue. Yes, you can buy blue balls for your truck. Nothing says manly like blue balls.



If you're afraid your fascination with male reproductive organs screams latent homosexual, you're right. But fear not. To prove you're into girls you can get this item; A chrome kissed set of testicles. Brilliant.




Perhaps you prefer something a little more creative. I took this right off their website:

The Brand New Lighted Nutz line is a riot! You have these nuts wired to plug into your trailer hitch lights and you can have different colors for different actions....ie, if you turn right, your right nut blinks, if you turn left your left one blinks. If you backup, a white light appears through the nuts, driving lights can be red.....just check it out to believe it!

I think I'll buy a six pack of these and give them out as Christmas Ornaments. Grandma will love them (not to mention my cousins, who will know what they really are).

This is such a great product, I wrote Mr. Cojones an email (that's really what he goes by):

From: ----

Sent: Monday, July 28, 2008 7:21 PM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: perfect product!

Dear Truck Nuts and More,

I LOVE your product! They're the perfect form of expression for me as a man (besides my 4x4). I won't litter my bumper with stickers (besides my "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!" sticker) but a shiny pair of chrome blue balls is perfect for me! They're even full of veins and in mismatched sizes, just like my real ones! (but mine aren't blue, HAHAHAHA!) Something about them just makes me feel, well, more ballsy when I'm driving. Like a man should!

I have a question though. Can I get a big set of foam-rubber, pink udders for my girlfriend? She'd love it! Just imagine it, the whole world could see her big, pink, sweet teats hanging off the back of her car!

Let me know and thanks for your time!

Sincerely,

----

He wrote back:

RE: perfect product! Full Message

Sales - Mister Cojones to you and undisclosed-recipients: - 58 min ago

Hey ----:

Wish I had something as udderly delectable as that for your girlfriend but I don’t. If you happen to find some, let me know!

I think I'm in love. This is what he claims to look like:

Some people look like their pets, this guy looks like pasty, rubber testicles. Don't believe me? Check out his Myspace page.

-Trip